Helping others / 'n Helpende hand


“We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.”
W.H. Auden

I always smile when I read these words by Auden. We are indeed here to help one another, but few fully realise this in our self-centred world. The Dalai Lama says that our prime purpose in this life is to help other people, and if we can't help them, then at least we should not hurt them. He also says: “If you want OTHERS to be happy, practice compassion. If YOU want to be happy, practice compassion.” I don’t agree with him that helping others is our PRIME PURPOSE, but it is one of our purposes of being human. Albert Schweitzer is more in line with my way of thinking when he reminds us that the purpose of human life is to serve and to show compassion and the will to help others. Saint Augustine takes it further by saying that if you want to know what love looks like, then you will see it in the hands that help other people. You will see it in the feet that hasten to the poor and the needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of humanity. That is what love looks like. Many are so obsessed with their own little lives that they forget to think about others who are worse off than themselves. I hope you are not one of these, and if you are then it is my humble plea that you extend your thought-boundaries and incorporate those worse off than yourself. Never hesitate to lend a helping hand, and remember, you actually have two of them. They are both at the ends of your arms. The one you can use to help yourself, and the other one to help others.

There are however two questions to be answered: How can I and why should I reach out to others? More than a decade ago, Leo Babauta wrote a piece called “25 Ways to Help a Fellow Human Being Today”. Let me recap these ways for you, hopefully, you can find some pointers and some work for one (or maybe even both) of those two hands.

 - Smile and be friendly. A simple little thing like this can put a smile and warm feeling in someone else’s heart, and make their day a little better.
- Call a charity to volunteer. Volunteering is one of the most amazing things you can do.
- Donate something you don’t use. Others can put your clutter to good use.
- Make a donation. There are lots of ways to donate to charities.
- Redirect gifts. Instead of having people give you birthday or Christmas gifts, ask them to donate gifts or money to a certain charity.
- Stop to help. When you see someone in need, stop and ask how you can help.
- Teach. Take the time to teach someone a skill you know.
- Comfort someone in grief. Often a hug, a helpful hand, a kind word, and a listening ear, will go a long way when someone has lost a loved one or suffered some loss or tragedy.
- Help them take action. If someone in grief seems to be lost and doesn’t know what to do, help them do something.
- Buy food for a homeless person. Don’t give cash, be respectful and friendly and rather buy something to eat.
- Lend your ear. Often someone who is sad, depressed, angry, or frustrated just needs someone who will listen.
- Help someone on the edge. If someone is suicidal, urge them to get help.
- Help someone get active. A person in your life who wants to get healthy might need a helping hand — offer to go walking or running together, to join a gym together.
- Do a chore. Help someone out with something small or big, like cleaning up or washing a car or doing the dishes or cutting a lawn.
- Give a massage. Only when appropriate of course. But a massage can go a long way to making someone feel better.
- Send a nice social media message. Just a quick note telling someone how much you appreciate them, or how proud you are of them, or just saying thank you for something they did.
- Show appreciation, publicly. Praising someone on a blog, in front of co-workers, in front of family, or in some other public way, is a great way to make them feel better about themselves.
- Donate food. Clean out your cupboard of canned goods, or buy a couple bags of groceries, and donate them to a homeless shelter.
- Just be there. When someone you know is in need, sometimes it’s just good to be there. Sit with them. Talk. Help out if you can.
- Be patient. Sometimes people can have difficulty understanding things, or learning to do something right. Learn to be patient with them.
- Tutor a child. This might be difficult to do today, but often parents can’t afford to hire a tutor for their child in need of help. Call a school and volunteer your tutoring services.
- Create a care package. Soup, reading material, tea, chocolate … anything you think the person might need or enjoy. Think about the elderly and those who are sick.
- Lend your voice. Often the powerless, the homeless, the neglected in our world need someone to speak up for them. You don’t have to take on that cause by yourself, but join others in signing a petition, writing letters and making a need heard.
- Offer to babysit. Sometimes parents need a break. If a friend or other loved one in your life doesn’t get that chance very often, call them and offer to babysit sometime.
- Love. Just express your love. A hug, a kind word, spending time, showing little kindnesses, being friendly … it all matters more than you know.

Helping others and doing good is beneficial in that it:

- makes you feel better about yourself;
- connects you with others, for a moment or for life;
- improves the life of another;
- makes the world a better place, one step at a time;
- can multiply and multiply if that kindness is passed on.

Is that reason enough to help others? I think so! And that is that, but I will give William Shakespeare the final word: “How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world.”

We know that it’s a strife,
This daily toil of life.
Give a helping hand to another;

reach out and assist a fellow sister and brother

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“Ons is almal hier op aarde om andere te help; wat op aarde die andere hier voor is, weet ek nie.”
W.H. Auden

Ek glimlag altyd as ek hierdie woorde van Auden lees. Ons is inderdaad hier om andere te help, maar nie almal besef dit in hierdie self-gesentreerde wêreld nie. Die Dalai Lama het gesê dat dit ons primêre doel op aarde is om andere te help, en as ons hulle nie kan help nie moet ons hulle ten minste nie skade berokken nie. Hy het ook gesê: “As jy wil hê dat ANDERE gelukkig moet wees, beoefen dan ontferming (barmhartigheid). As JY gelukkig wil wees, beoefen dan ontferming (barmhartigheid)”. Ek stem nie met hom saam dat dit ons PRIMÊRE DOEL is om andere te help nie. Ek stem egter saam dat dit een van ons doelwitte is. Albert Schweitzer herinner ons daaraan dat dit die menslike doel is om te dien, barmhartigheid te toon en om andere te help. Sint Augustine neem hierdie onderwerp verder deur daarop te wys dat as jy wil weet hoe liefde lyk, jy dit sal sien in die hande wat andere help. Jy sal dit sien in die voete wat haastig is om diegene wie arm en behoeftig is, by te staan. Dit het oë wat elende en behoefte raaksien. Dit het ore om na die gekreun en droefheid van die mensdom te luister. Dit, sê hy, is hoe liefde lyk. Baie mense het so ‘n obsessie met hul eie klein lewens dat hulle gemaklikheidsonthalwe vergeet van diegene wie slegter daaraan toe is as hulself. Ek hoop regtig jy is nie een van hulle nie, en as jy is, dan is dit my nederige pleidooi dat jy jou denk-grense verskuif en ruimte maak vir diegene wie slegter daaraan toe is as jyself. Moet nooit huiwer om ‘n helpende hand te gee waar jy kan nie, en onthou, jy het twee hande. Jip, hulle is daar aan die einde van jou arms… Jy kan die een gebruik om andere te help en die ander een om jouself te help.

Daar is egter twee vrae om te beantwoord: Hoe kan ek, en waarom moet ek andere help? Meer as ‘n dekade gelede het Leo Babauta ‘n stuk geskryf oor 25 maniere om jou medemens te help. Laat ek kortliks hierdie punte weergee en hopelik kan jy enkele wenke en werk kry vir een (of selfs beide) van daardie hande.

- Glimlag en wees vriendelik. Iets so eenvoudigs soos dit kan ‘n warm gevoel in iemand anders se hart laat en hul dag sommer heelwat beter maak.
- Wees ‘n vrywilliger by ‘n welwillendheids organisasie. Moet nie skroom om jou hulp aan te bied nie.
- Skenk dit wat jy nie gebruik nie. Andere kan jou “rommel” tot goeie gebruik aanwend.
- Maak ‘n skenking. Daar is baie maniere om skenkings aan welwillendheids organisasies te maak.
- Stuur geskenke in ‘n ander rigting. Instede daarvan dat iemand jou ‘n (verjaardag of Kersfees) geskenk gee, vra dat hulle dit eerder skenk aan ‘n welwillendheids organisasie.
- Stop om andere te help. Wanneer jy iemand in nood sien, stop en gaan help hom/haar.
- Onderrig. Neem tyd om iemand ‘n vaardigheid wat jy ken te leer.
- Vertroos iemand wie in smart verkeer. ‘n Drukkie, ‘n helpende hand, ‘n sagte woord en ‘n oor wat luister, kan ‘n ver pad gaan om iemand te vertroos wie in droefheid verkeer.
- Help andere om aksies te neem. As iemand in droefheid verkeer en nie weet wat om te doen nie, help hulle om iets daaromtrent te doen.
- Koop kos vir ‘n hawelose persoon. Moet nie geld gee nie, wees vriendelik en beleefd en koop eerder iets te ete.
- Leen jou oor uit. Iemand wie hartseer en depressief is het soms net ‘n oor nodig om na te luister.
- Help iemand wie op die afgrond staan. As iemand selfmoord gedagtes koester en alles net wil oorgee, moedig so ‘n persoon aan om hulp te kry.
- Help iemand om aktief te raak. As iemand wie jy ken ‘n gesonder lewensstyl wil leef, gee hom/haar ‘n helpende hand.
- Doen ‘n huistakie vir iemand anders. Help iemand anders uit met iets klein of groot, soos opwas, of kar was, of gras sny.
- Gee ‘n massering. Slegs as dit natuurlik betaamlik is. ‘n Massering kan baie help om iemand anders beter te laat voel.
- Stuur iemand ‘n mooi sosiale media boodskap. Net ‘n kort boodskappie wat sê hoeveel jy iemand waardeer, hoe trots jy op iemand is, en net om dankie te sê vir alles, kan baie beteken.
- Wys jou openlike waardering. Gee openlike aanprysing aan ‘n medewerker, familielid of wie ookal. Dit mag daardie persoon net dalk beter oor hom-/haarself laat voel.
- Skenk kos. Koop ‘n sak kruideniersware en skenk dit aan ‘n plek vir haweloses, of vir iemand behoeftig.
- Wees net daar. Wanneer iemand wie jy ken behoeftig is, wees daar vir hom/haar.
- Wees geduldig. Mense kan soms sukkel om iets te verstaan of nuuts aan te leer. Leer om geduldig met hulle te wees.
- Help ‘n kind met ekstra klasse. As jy kan, help ‘n kind wie se ouers nie ‘n privaat onderwyser kan bekostig nie, met ekstra klasse.
- Skep ‘n “omgee pakkie”. Sop, tee, ‘n sjokolade en leesstof … enigiets wat jy dink ‘n bejaarde of siek persoon beter sal laat voel.
- Leen jou dienste uit. Gewoonlik het diegene wie nie die krag het nie, soos die haweloses, die verwaardloses en die minderheids groepe, iemand nodig om namens hulle te praat. Word deel van die teken van ‘n petisie of wat ookal nodig is om jou stem te laat geld.
- Bied aan om kinders op te pas. Soms het ouers ‘n breek nodig. Gun hulle ‘n aandjie uit terwyl jy na hul kinders kyk.
- Liefde. Druk net jou liefde uit. ‘n Drukkie, ‘n sagte woord, die spandeer van tyd, die wys van goedhartigheid, vriendelik wees… dit maak meer saak as wat jy kan besef.

Om andere te help is voordelig omdat dit:

- jou beter laat voel oor jouself;
- jou met andere verbind, hetsy dit vir ‘n kort oomblik of lewenslank is;
- die lewe van die ander persoon verbeter;
- die wêreld ‘n beter plek maak, tree vir tree;
- kan vermenigvuldig as daardie goedaardigheid aangegee word na die ander persoon.

Is hierdie redes genoegsaam om andere te help? Ek glo so! En dit is dit, maar laat ek William Shakespeare die finale woord gee: “How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world.

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